Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Foreign.
[00:00:10] Hey, love. Welcome back to Untamed Ember, the podcast where we set your pleasure free, drag shamed by the wig, and casually set patriarchy on fire with our bare hands. I'm your host, Dr. Misty, and this week's question is, who the hell gave the patriarchy a microphone? Like Truly, who invited him to the main stage, gave him a wireless mic in a TED talk slot, and decided he gets to define what's appropriate in bed? Because when you look at the mess we're in now, sexual shame, gender roles, moral panic about nipples. It didn't come from nature. It came from some very loud, very repressed, usually very white dudes in robes, pulpits and politics.
[00:00:58] Start with religion. Organized religion has been doing the most for centuries when it comes to defining sexuality. And not in the fun way. More like you must abstain until marriage, never speak of clitoral pleasure, and if you feel lust, go bathe in holy water and say 37 Hail Marys while staring at a blank wall. Here's a gem from history. In early Christian theology, even thinking about sex could be considered a sin. Women were blamed for men's desire because obviously if a man got a boner, it was your fault for having ankles or existing too brightly in the sun. Purity culture didn't just pop up in the 1990s with weird promise rings and I kissed dating goodbye. That shit is old. Like medieval monks writing in Latin about how women's bodies are inherently evil. Old and fun fact. In the Middle Ages, they believed that if women experienced too much pleasure, their wombs might literally wander around their bodies, causing hysteria. So they prescribed calming herbs or I swear to you, marriage as a cure.
[00:02:13] I wish I were making that up. I'm not. Enter colonization and the sexual censorship industrial complex. So just when things were spicy and sacred. In a lot of indigenous cultures where sex was celebrated, gender roles were more fluid and pleasure wasn't a threat. The colonizers showed up with a bible in one hand and weaponized shame in the other. European colonizers labeled indigenous sexual practices as savage and uncivilized. Why? Because they involved freedom. Because they involved non binary identities. Because they involved joy. So naturally, the plan was erase it, shame it, control it. This wasn't about morality, it was about power. You can't control people who trust their own desires.
[00:03:07] So now we've got this sexual landscape where the colonizers rules became the law and anything outside that narrow binary box gets punished, ridiculed and banned. Especially for black, brown, queer, disabled, neurodivergent and fat bodies. And let's not forget white supremacy absolutely thrives on rigid control of bodies, especially the ones it deems too much, too sexy, too loud, too free. Okay, so we've got the church yelling at us colonizers, rewriting desire as deviants. And then somehow your gym teacher in seventh grade tells you your thong was distracting the boys. That's patriarchy, babe. It's got a microphone. And now it's broadcasting 24. 7. Good girls don't do that cover up. Sex is for men, not for you. Less is morally superior.
[00:04:06] Oh, hey, there's that phrase again. Let's talk about that for a second. Less is morally superior. Less desire, less skin, less noise, less pleasure. Because the more you feel, the harder you are to control. Shame was never about protecting you. It was about silencing you. Religion, colonization and white supremacy created the modern rules around sex. Those rules aren't ancient wisdom, they're political strategy. Pleasure used to be sacred. It became taboo when power hungry systems realized how dangerous it is for people to feel good and trust themselves. Shame is inherited. But you can question it, laugh at it, burn it to the ground.
[00:04:55] Here's your journal question this week. What's one belief you were taught about sex, gender or pleasure that didn't come from you, but you still carry it? Where did that voice come from? Who put that idea into your head? And more importantly, do you even want it there anymore? If you're ready to go deeper, this week's worksheet Inside the Ember Society, is called Unlearning the Inherited Script. It walks you through mapping where your beliefs about sex came from, identifying shame triggers in your body, rewriting your sexual script based on what you want, not what you were told to be. Head to members.untamed ember.com or click the link in the show notes to join the society and grab your worksheet. Until next time, keep questioning everything. Keep feeling more, not less. And remember, you never had to earn your pleasure, ever. Even if the church, your ex, and that weird health teacher tried to tell you otherwise.
